Often times when I explain my process of growth and healing to people I see confused looks on their faces. I've been accused of being overly dramatic about my flaws and nitpicky about my own character. I mean after all I am generally a good person. I don't drink to much, I'm not active in any kind of addiction, I don't have horrible relationships with my family or friends, so what is the big deal? Maybe you've been encouraged by someone else to go into counseling and you look at your own life and ask yourself the same question. To that I bring to you the following metaphor from my life this week:
My mom bought me a guitar a long time ago. I think I was still in middle school when it was given to me as a Christmas gift. For years I barely touched it. Even when she signed me up for lessons I never practiced during the week. The lessons she paid for were really a waste of time and money, I had no motivation to learn how to play the guitar. But my junior year of college a roommate taught me the four chords I needed to know to pretty much play every worship song written before 2010. G, D, Em, C. Since then I've gone through seasons of playing it a lot, sometimes even 4 or 5 times a week.
Yesterday I took the day off of work. I met with my mentor early in the morning and afterwards I just felt like taking a personal day so I texted my boss saying I was going to be out of the office. It was the perfect time to get things done that I had wanted to do for a while. One of them was to take my guitar in to get new strings put on it. I've had my guitar for probably 10 years now and I think I put new strings on it once, maybe 4 years ago. I honestly only did this out of obligation, because I really couldn't hear anything wrong with it. But usually I play a lot more in the winter (maybe it's the long, quiet nights that inspires creativity I don't know), so I thought why not and I took it in.
When I got to this guitar shop I had the following interaction:
Me: Hi, can you guys put new strings on my guitar?
Guitar guy: Yeah we can do that what type of strings do you want?
Me: Umm.. Acoustic.
Guitar guy [with a look that makes me realize I am way out of my element]: Well what size?
Me: Oh gosh bro I don't know. Is there a basic size?
Guitar guy: Let me see your guitar, dude.
I took my guitar out of it's case and handed it to him. He started plucking the strings and playing different chords. His face expressed he was in pain as he played up and down the strings, hammering on and off... I thought it sounded just fine.
Guitar guy: When was the last time you had your strings replaced?
Me: I don't know 3 or 4 years ago.
Guitar guy: And you just play it like it is? Doesn't it bother you?
Me: No it's kind of the way it's always been I've never noticed anything different.
Guitar guy: Alright man well why don't I clean the frets, put some heavier strings on it and tune it up for you and I promise you it will sound a lot better. It'll be about 25 bucks.
Me: You're the boss.
I watched him as he took off the old, dusty strings that apparently could be used for interrogation purposes at Guantanamo Bay. He scrubbed the neck of the guitar and oiled it up leaving a clean and glossy finish. Then he put on the new, heavier strings.
Readers of my blog, I must tell you, my guitar sounds a million times better. I mean I didn't get better overnight, the guitar itself just sounds so much clearer and resounds with chords in a way that it never has. The songs I've played for years sound different. They sound like new.
It took someone with experience and expertise on the matter to recognize just how much room there was for improvement. I couldn't see it in the middle of it all, it was just the way it had always been. I had accepted the sound.
Sometimes I think we can do this with our lives. We become accepting with the status quo of our way of thinking, feeling, and behaving and we come to believe one of the most dangerous lies out there, "well this just the way it is." Then we run into people who know beauty when they see it and know dysfunction just the same and our way is exposed as faulty. Sure you're surviving, but are you thriving?
Watching this guitar magician put new strings on was where I first thought of this metaphor. I imagined myself as the strings and God as this bearded, tattooed, hip guitar guy. The strings shoved down at one end, then stretched to the point where I thought it would break and pulled through the other end. Then he pulls back on the string further than I thought it was capable, releases it and as it slams against the neck of the guitar he tunes it to perfection. This guy knew exactly where these strings needed to be, exactly what they are capable of enduring, and exactly how they needed to sound. The entire process of getting it to sound good just looked entirely rough and violent. I wouldn't want to be one of those strings.
Oh but I am one of those strings. Hopefully I always will be to one extent or another. Always being stretched, always being fine tuned, even being replaced if defective or ugly sounding. And if I ever get comfortable and think I've got it all together, I hope there's always an unkempt, bearded, tattooed up, guitar guy to set me straight.
Or something like that.
Psalm 40:3 He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the LORD.
This is ideation at it's best.
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